This post is inspired by the fans of the Carolina Panthers and tailored just for you! Luke Keuchly is a great linebacker. In seven NFL seasons for the Carolina Panthers, he demonstrated his athleticism and team spirit on the field year in and year out. His accomplishments are many and above all, his outstanding sportsmanship has earned him great respect and admiration by teammates and adversaries alike.
While not everyone is a fan of football, anyone can be a fan of good decisions. Deciding to let go of something we cherish can be hard, and many times life makes the choice for us. Consciously choosing our next step takes courage!
At 28 years old, Luke Keuchly is retiring (watch his heart-wide-open retirement statement here). He was a player so dedicated that he literally did little else other than prepare for games. Football has been his entire focus of his adult life to this point. And while leaving the game that he loves so dearly was the last thing that he wanted to do, he knew in his heart that it was the best thing he could do. Sometimes the mark of a good decision is that we’d rather keep doing what we want, and yet we change course to do what we know is best.
How does this apply to each of us? We all face Moments of Choice every day. Big life decisions are not every day, but deciding what to do with the precious minute in front of us can be a major choice too.
A friend, Lauren, relayed this story to me. She boarded the crowded train, as she does every weekday morning on her commute to work. She sat down in one of a few open seats, put her headphones on, and closed her eyes. One stop later she felt someone take the seat next to her, the last open seat. They were seated shoulder to shoulder. The woman next to her was crying. Not just crying, sobbing. As they rode on she could feel the woman’s body shaking against her. She felt annoyed, her quiet moments of relaxation before work were now spoiled. She tried to pull away but there was no room for personal space on the over-crowded train. Trapped with nowhere to go, she dreaded the long ride ahead.
Lauren reached into her purse and pulled out her pack of tissues. Taking her headphones off, she held out a fresh tissue to her neighbor and said, “Are you ok?”
That moment, more than a year ago, was an unplanned meeting between two strangers. Today, they are great friends because Lauren pulled out a tissue. They meet routinely for dinner and enjoy each other’s company. Lauren could have just as easily passed up that moment of choice. She could have stood in the aisle and put the headphones on, leaving that woman alone. But she didn’t. She harnessed the power of the Moment.
We never know what the next Moment of Choice will reveal to us. Be on the lookout for it and be ready to make the most of it!
We each have many strengths, some that are similar, some that are different. A well-cultivated strength on display is a thing of beauty. Like Simone Biles breaking world records this summer in her incredible gymnastics routines; there is nothing like it! Now imagine a strength or talent like that amplified through a co-creative process!
Co-Creation is the intersection of two or more talents. It can produce results that were previously unknowable. Co-Creation is something we actively seek at TRP, and when we can find it, the journey is unique, organic, and always powerful.
We’ve crafted a recipe – time tested and consistent! It has just three ingredients. Combining these ingredients in the right order can produce a result that will satisfy the heartiest appetite for quality! It starts with genuine interest, followed by truly listening, and then engaging. Repeat, repeat, repeat. We’ve been using this recipe again and again – it works every time.
Recently we delighted in the recognition that our friends at Liberty Resources received. It highlighted the co-creative project they undertook to transform their culture, with TRP as a partner. When Chris and Sarah traveled from New York to North Carolina last year, we began to learn about their goals and aspirations, and helped them learn the “recipe”. They were inspired and took action! Certifying them to teach TRP began their creative process of learning how the TRP training would empower their organization to stay positive, productive, and effective in ways that went beyond what they imagined possible. Read about their work and be inspired by what they are doing in their award-winning culture change initiative.
Chris and Sarah share a common interest – they love their workplace. They are genuinely interested in finding ways to leverage the talents and passions of others. They continually listen to their workforce and to their leadership while engaging in building the positive culture that was envisioned. We at TRP have been privileged to co-create with them during their journey over the last year. Their co-creative efforts are helping leaders provide the kind of example that others want to follow. This strengthens the organization and has a direct, positive impact on those they serve.
Meanwhile, here at home in North Carolina, Ann and Tracy at Forsyth Tech got co-creative with us in their Leadership Excellence Program. Check out the video of our co-creative process and share it!
Please share with us the results of your co-creative recipes! What will you create today?
It's been said that "minds work best when open." The same has also been said about parachutes. No one would attempt to use a parachute that wasn't fully open. Sadly, this is not always the case with our minds.
Many of us go through life with a mind closed off to certain possibilities. It takes courage to be open towards what we don't understand, or to listen to a point of view that is different from our own!
I recently visited a non-profit organization to learn about the services they offer the community. I will soon deliver training to them on resiliency and wanted to learn more about their work. This organization serves children with behavioral issues; they seek to help these children grow, and they partner with their families to empower the parents with needed skills. It is very meaningful work, and challenging at times for the staff. While visiting, I witnessed a young girl act out very aggressively towards one of the therapists. The therapist quietly removed the child from the group and began to address the behavior. It was so common an issue that the therapist had trained herself not to take the behavior personally! She simply moved right onto the solution, which in this case, was to lovingly give an appropriate consequence so the child could learn to change the behavior. It was deeply touching to observe this.
Afterwards I reflected on the symbol that the interaction seemed to represent. How quickly we can get caught up in a dead-end way of thinking when things do not go as we expect! If someone else disagrees with us and voices their opinion, it’s so easy to take it personally! What if we just didn’t give ourselves permission to take it personally? If that were not an option, we would move right onto solutions, and open our minds to new possibilities.
May this story inspire you on your journey. And as a bonus, enjoy this new video and the quick tip to staying open-minded (it's the first video on the page). Like the video? We’re putting new ones up every week. Visit our YouTube channel and be sure to subscribe!
The Black Eyed Peas new single Be Nice is an awesome song with the perfect TRP message. The catchy lyrics and steady beat will get you bobbin' your head and make you want to smile. So do yourself a favor and watch the new single in the video below, which is going viral fast! Then bookmark NBC's new television show, Songland and watch Season 1 Episode 2 featuring will.i.am to learn how Be Nice was created. The show is fantastic! It's the perfect blend of collaboration and creativity, all done in the spirit of paying it forward. Aspiring artists "pitch" a song they have written to award-winning producers + one special performing artist, for the chance to be featured as a new hit-single. To get into that hit-single spot though, the artist has to be open to feedback and willing to see that song - that beautiful work of art that the artist has poured their soul into - EVOLVE. It is a study in creativity and openness with layers of TRP lessons. In the meantime, enjoy Be Nice!
My friends and I enjoy a lot of the same music. We can listen to and love the same songs for the same reasons – we have this experience we share and understand, together. Now, try to explain that to someone who doesn’t like the same music. It’s almost impossible! And yet, we can appreciate that this other person may have a similar experience with their own favorite music.
Music is a metaphor for connection. A colleague told me a story from a recent trip that illustrates this.
Her family was vacationing in Florida over the Holidays. While the kids played, she slipped away to an outdoor pavilion for a little time alone. Quietly enjoying herself, she hardly noticed the clouds that had gathered until the skies opened with a sudden burst of rain. Vacation-goers scrambled to get under cover and her seating area quickly became crowded. Looking around, she was surrounded by people who looked nothing like her, people she would not ordinarily associate with. She noticed an elderly couple catching their breath and, as is typical of her character, she graciously got up and offered them her seat. She was thanked by them, as well as another couple who observed this kind act. Conversation followed, and the normal pleasantries were exchanged. A television in the background played national news and caught the attention of one of her new-found friends. The conversation suddenly turned to less-pleasant but ever-present topics we see on the news.
Our friend found herself aware that she had entered into a discussion with someone who didn’t just have a very different viewpoint from hers, but was deeply passionate about that viewpoint. In fact at several moments, she could have easily become offended by the colorful comments she heard. Instead, she chose to listen respectfully, seeking to understand. When the timing was right, she began to ask some thoughtful questions. Together, they discussed difficult issues, seeking to separate fact from fiction. They discussed news outlets and how each “side” is always influenced by its own agendas. It became the kind of conversation that leaves one thinking deeply about one’s own point of view from a bigger picture, and feeling as though you’ve been treated with respect because you chose to show respect.
As the conversation drew to a close our friend said, “My hope for 2019 is that we can all be more courageous. It is my sincere wish that each of us can ask questions that help us understand other points of view. If we only listen to what we want to hear, we will not know the other side of the story.”
She had built a bridge where one was needed. She did so not by seeking to change them, but to come together with each understanding the other a little better. While they may have been on different sheets of music, they found a connection between the notes, each enriched as a result.
She had enjoyed and learned from the encounter, so much so that she had to call me to relay this tale. And now, I’m passing it on to you. May we each be courageous enough to step out of our comfort zone and hear another other point of view. May we get to know our neighbors a little better in this New Year of Opportunity.
By guest blogger: Susan Redding, M.B.A., SPHR, CPLP
I have secretly always wanted to be a Broadway star and I grew up with a love of theater. I remember reading William Shakespeare’s “All the world’s a stage” and cherished the imagery his words brought to my mind. I took acting lessons and drama classes in high school. We worked on improvisation and character development.
And there you have that key word that jumped out to me in the TRP training… CHARACTER. I gravitated towards that concept in the TRP training and would spend a great deal of time focusing on this idea with my TRP classes. The words choice and character together, with all of my acting background, have brought me to realize that each and every day we choose the character we would like to portray.
What do we want people to say about us when we leave a room? How do we want people to feel after an interaction with us? Do our actions help others become their best as they continue on with their day? A kind smile to someone who is having a rough day can make all the difference to that one person. A single, simple action can help reshape our character and who we are for the rest of the day.
When you wake up in the morning (or if you are not a morning person, before you go to bed the night before LOL), look at the character trait listing on page 67 of the TRP book and decide how you might want to approach the world that day. One of the only things we can truly control in life is ourselves, and how we choose to respond to a situation.
Thanks for reminding me of this, TRP staff, this training has truly changed the way I approach my life.
The art of truly caring for others is indeed, an art. In our work helping others practice TRP our observation is that genuine care requires a deep focus on the other person. Genuine care also requires that the deep focus be of greater importance, than our own needs and desires. Obviously so, right? It turns out, it’s not so obvious after all.
A common mistake is that we think our well-intended offers to help someone else are really, truly, all about the other person. We often overlook that under the surface, we secretly want something in return, or we simply are uncomfortable with the fact that they are uncomfortable, or we would much rather ‘keep the peace’ than deal with the difficulty at hand.
The deep level of care might include doing everything in our power to empower one other person to be successful. Sometimes it might include NOT doing something. A story from a recent training illustrates.
A participant had written her plan to help her son grow in his own level of self-responsibility. During the training, she took the opportunity to share her plan with her colleagues.
“I have been enabling my son by making excuses for him. He is a talented young man and is a star on his high school team. With his busy schedule and need to balance his advanced classes and athletics, he often forgets his sports equipment. I’m usually the first person he calls. I’ll make excuses for him, and I’ve even left work to make the 45-minute round trip drive home, to his school, and back to work with his equipment just to ‘help’ him out. All the while, I make excuses for him, citing to myself and sometimes others, how busy he is and how much pressure he is under. My husband has told me not to do it for him, but I make excuses for him to my husband too.”
She was determined to do it differently. She shared how the next time this happened, she would not make excuses for him. She would simply go get the equipment and tell him he needs to remember it himself.
Nervous laughter followed. She could not quite understand why her colleagues didn’t give any approving applause… One colleague said, “you’re going to keep rescuing him by getting his stuff for him?” She was conflicted and didn’t know what to do.
At this point, she was asked,
“Which would have a greater impact on your son: having you talk with him about the importance of remembering his equipment, or the coach removing him from a game because he forgot?”
She had a flash of awareness and forcefully stood up. She saw that it was really her own discomfort that was getting in the way. Once she thought about what her son truly needed from her, it all became clear. With trembling voice, she said “I see! I’m not going to enable him anymore! He needs to experience the consequence of his actions, and I have prevented him from doing this!” She teared up as she made this powerful statement and this time, she got that applause.
As each of us seeks to express that level of deep care, be emboldened by the potential of those we care about. Focus on that potential and allow it to matter more than our own needs and desires. Is it easy? Not necessarily. Is it worth it? Absolutely!
Blame is an easy out, a quick solution to almost any problem. The irony is, blame solves nothing. Most of us blame others to get out of having to take responsibility, or in attempt to make ourselves look “faultless”. In the end, blame just results in more time talking about a problem instead of really solving it.
That may be why the miraculous cave rescue in Thailand captivated the world’s attention. The effort to accomplish the impossible rescue mission itself was a testament to the human spirit, and a remarkable example of TRP. There was deep collaboration and care demonstrated in many, many ways. The absence of blame is perhaps best seen in the exchange between the coach and the parents.
In case you were in a cave yourself for the last couple of weeks, there is a great recap of the story here. Twelve boys, members of the “Wild Boar” soccer team and their coach, “Coach Ek” were trapped in flooded cave for over two weeks until a dramatic rescue brought them back to safety. It turns out that cave exploration was one of the ways that Coach Ek worked with the boys to build a sense of team. The boys found meaning in the challenge of exploring the cave together. The coach had no idea how important that would become when they could not escape and grew to depend on that sense of team for their own survival.
Huddled in a dark cave without food, water, or even knowledge they would ever escape, Coach focused the boys on breathing and meditation. He kept them going, and kept them unified as a team, moment by moment. When they were found nine days later and the hope of rescue began to shine, however dimly, Coach Ek probably began to face an inner struggle. He felt deeply responsible for all that had transpired.
When he had the opportunity to write a note to the parents while awaiting rescue, this is what he said:
The parents had wrapped themselves in patience and prayer, lending whatever silent support they could to the massive humanitarian mission. Their response, was as TRP as the coach’s letter:
There was no blame to pass around. The world will not forget the image from the first video captured by British divers who found the boys, of 13 young men in total, cheerful and bright after nine days in utter darkness and fully alone. Their resilient attitude reflects their own deep sense of team, developed with help from their coach, and forged in that flooded cave. What the coach and the players may not fully appreciate, is just how much hope their story has given to the world.
How different this story might have been had there not been such cooperation from all involved both inside and outside of the cave. There are many heroes in this story and many lessons to take away. Just one is the absence of blame. It’s easy to blame things outside of ourselves but this story illustrates the powerful impact that every choice we make can have on the world around us.
Lately, we’ve been doing more and more work helping teams face the obstacles in their path – see our new “Raise the OFLAG” program. Too often, we think the problem we face is external, something “out there.” At TRP, our skill is to help teams look at what the opportunity for learning and growth is, “in here.” Looking at what we can change (instead of what we can’t), is deeply rewarding, if not easy. We get to hear amazing stories in this process. For example, while working with a client this past week, we asked our participants to reflect on this question:
What is a setback that you have experienced in life, which turned out to be a hidden opportunity for learning and growth (an O-FLAG)?
A remarkable answer came from a female participant, about 40 years old. She shared that about eight years ago she filed for divorce from a man who turned out to be not who he appeared to be when they married. It had taken her years to develop the courage to make the move to end the marriage. Her young daughter at the time, was seven years old which made the decision all the more difficult for her. She had very little money, and the divorce left her with almost nothing. To make ends meet, she realized something drastic would be required of her.
She held a yard sale and sold nearly everything she owned. She was left with no possessions, but was able to take the money she made and start a new life. For a short time, she and her daughter actually lived in her car before her parents ended up taking them both in. It took the better part of the year, but slowly she got back on her feet. Today she is a proud home-owner, single mother to a teenage daughter, and working for an employer in a job she truly enjoys. She went on to describe all the good things that had come out of that challenging chapter in her life and how she looks back on it as one of the best things that could have happened to her. It was a profound opportunity for learning and growth.
Her fellow participants sat in awe of this tale, you could feel their admiration. When she finished, I asked her, “What do you think your daughter learned from that period of life that the two of you shared together?” She paused only for a moment before replying: “I believe that my daughter learned, that no matter what is presented to us in life, we have the strength to see our way through it.”
Her answer came with the clarity of one who has sold all she had, lived in her car, and found through all of that, what she is truly made of.
Perhaps for each of us there have been events that appeared to be a “setback” and over time, we made meaning of that event. Or perhaps there are challenges that lay ahead, their significance yet to be uncovered. Our task is to discover the hidden opportunity for learning and growth that waits within.
We recently interviewed a department director in preparation for a TRP training. We asked her to describe her management team. The following story about one of her long-time managers (we'll call her Sandy) inspired this TRP post.
Sandy has been with us for over twenty years. I just had a review with her and right at the beginning she said, "We've come a long way, haven't we?"
Let me explain. Her comment was a testament to the mutual respect we have for one another.
When I joined the company fifteen years ago Sandy began reporting to me. I greatly misjudged her at first. I did not realize how much she knew. I thought she was too passive and "just along for the ride". She did not speak up when I thought she should assert her authority over her team members.
What I began to see was her quiet strength. She is not afraid of a confrontation, quite the opposite! More than anyone I've ever worked with, she knows just when to step in, and when it is best to let others work it out. She's a true servant leader and she has been an outstanding manager.
Have you ever misjudged someone else's strength, and perhaps perceived it as a flaw? Taking the time to see what's under the surface of our colleagues is one of the most rewarding investments we can make. The strengths of our team members are often hidden in plain sight. Taking a genuine interest in someone else means going beyond what we might find interesting about them. It's so much deeper than that.
One of Dale Carnegie's rules from over 80 years ago in How to Win Friends and Influence People is just as relevant today:
"Regardless of the physical or financial assets an organization may have, it's the people who make it successful. They are an organization's key asset, and getting to know them should be as high a priority as learning the technical aspects of one's job. The key is to be genuine. Don't get a reputation for only being interested when you want something, getting to know others should always be mutually beneficial."
At TRP Enterprises we're continually developing new ways to help people work together. The Circles of Collaboration is a new tool for teams and organizations to see the positive qualities that each bring to any project, and use those positive qualities for deep collaboration and truly meaningful work. To learn more, come join us this summer for one of our Managing Change workshops.
As president, Daniel leads the team at TRP Enterprises to help inspire and uplift through world-class training programs.